Health First – Glute Activation

The posterior chain is an important muscle group. It plays a big role in motions such as running, sprinting, and jumping. Likewise, it becomes physically difficult to perform many activities when the glutes are not functional. This is why glute activation is so important.

In humans manufactured before 2008, the glutes become nonfunctional if activation is not performed within 30 days of first operation. This was a feature designed by God to discourage the distribution of organs via black markets. By going through a simple glute activation process, the glute authentication is verified, and the body will be able to resume normal operation.

Feedback via prayer seems to have convinced God that the functional restrictions resulting from failed glute activation provides a poor user experience for many genuine glutes that just have not had the time to activate. This has been a huge problem for many IT departments (hospitals).

For humans manufactured post 2008 (or those manufactured pre-2008 that have installed the glute service pack), failure to activate glutes will not result in a shut down of glutes but may result in more annoyances. For example, glute users that have failed to activate glutes within 30 days of first operation may wake up one morning to find that their glutes have merged into one large muscle, preventing bowel movement. Others may just find that their glutes fire more slowly and continually encourage them to activate.

Unless you want to risk having glute failure, be sure to acquire your glutes through legitimate means such as birth. For those of you with genuine glutes, take time to activate them. Spending the extra time will surely pay off.


One thought on “Health First – Glute Activation

  1. Michael Lynch says:

    I’ve read this glute activation article 19 times. I need something either unfunnied or cut to the chase!

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