20 people at dinner

When I was recently invited to a 20-person dinner, the first thing I did was madly type out the following play. I call it, “20 people at dinner.”

As a side note – the actual dinner I went to ended up being nothing like this.

“20 people at dinner”

Guy 1: Aaah, that was good. Let’s figure out the bill. Someone do the math.
Guy 1 hands the bill to guy 2. Guy 2 hands it to guy 3. Guy 3 hands it to guy 4.
Guy 1: Someone just do the math. Guy 4, you’re good at math. You do it.
Guy 4: Why do I have to do it?
Guy that’s not good at math: Here, I’ll do it.
Guy that’s not good at math takes the bill and looks at it.
Guy that’s not good at math: Okay, it’ll be $50 per person.
Guy 4: That’s ridiculous. It can’t be $50 per person.
Guy 1: Guy 4, why don’t you just do the math.
Guy that’s not good at math: Here, let me try this again.
Guy 2: $50 per person? Why don’t you just add up the whole thing and divide by 20.
Guy 3: No no no, you ordered the lamb. I just had a salad I don’t want to have to pay extra for you.
Guy that’s not good at math: Okay, it’ll be $5 per person.
Guy 4: That’s definitely not right. Your calculations just went down by a factor of 10.
Guy 1: Guy 4, why don’t you figure it out.
Guy 3: Guys, I didn’t think we’d be paying this much.
Guy 5 is sitting around being passive aggressive about something. Guys 6-10 are in their own conversation.
Guy 6 (to guy 7): How is it this hard to calculate how much everyone owes?
Guy that’s not good at math: Okay, I subtracted wrong. It should be $15 per person.
Guy 4: At what point in your calculations did you find that you had to SUBTRACT?

Guy 1: Guy 4, just figure it out.
Guy 4: No, I’m not good with money.
Guy 2: It’ll just be easier if you just add up the whole thing and divide by 20.
Guy 3: So what’s my incentive not to order the lobster and champagne if I know it’ll be subsidized 20 ways?
Guy that’s not good at math: Okay, it’ll be $20 per person.
Guy 4: That sounds better.
Guy 1: If you had known all along, why didn’t you just do the math?
Guy that’s not good at math: Who has cash? I don’t have cash.
Guys 5 – 20: Neither do I.
Guy 2: Let’s just ask them to split it.
Guy 3: 20 ways? That’s ridiculous.
Guy 2: Your face is ridiculous.
[The end]

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2 thoughts on “20 people at dinner

  1. dto says:

    hahaha i love this post =)

  2. tig says:

    Ha ha -! great! Can so relate!

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