How do you pick Grammy winners?

arcadefireI’m a huge fan of Eminem, but I was pretty excited that Arcade Fire won best album at the Grammy Awards. Then I saw this page:

High-larious! I didn’t realize Arcade Fire was so obscure. That just makes me even edgier. Now I can say that I liked Arcade Fire before they were popular… which apparently is still some point in the future.

But this did make me wonder, “how does a band like Arcade Fire beat out Eminem?” My answer: I don’t know how to judge music, but here are a few metrics that might be a part of it:

  1. Musicality – I don’t think this is real, but if I were to BS an explanation as to why Arcade Fire deserved the award over Eminem, I’d probably bring up the word “musicality” and act as though the person I was talking about was stupid if they didn’t understand me.
  2. Sight Reading – I skip the actual CD and order the sight reading versions of the albums where Eminem and Arcade Fire are trying to play their music for the first time. Arcade Fire’s is much more impressive.
  3. Faculty or facility – Whenever I got my scores for my violin auditions, I noted that I was always rated on my “faculty” or “facility.” I don’t remember which it was, and I don’t know what either would mean in the context of the violin, so I’m thinking this may be the missing link in my understanding of evaluating music (because I obviously understand everything else).
  4. Manatee voting – You’re probably thinking, “hey, you stole this from South Park,” but what you should be thinking is, “you completely avoided the question – how are the manatees evaluating the music?”

So there you have it. I’d love to tell you that the answer is that it’s really based on manatees voting based on intonation in the sight reading tracks, but I can’t because I don’t know. I’ll just end this post by saying Go Arcade Fire!

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2 thoughts on “How do you pick Grammy winners?

  1. Mike says:

    The award actually goes to the album with the most F# notes in their songs. This is for historical reasons.

    • Al says:

      After running the two albums through Fourier transforms, I’ve discovered that Arcade Fire cheated by holding an F# above the human audible threshold.

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