A lot of people think the New Year has something to do with the solar calendar and the earth’s rotation around the sun. The truth is that it’s a lot simpler than that. 2008 just couldn’t handle being the year any more. Why? Because I kicked its ass.
That’s right. Conveniently on the night of December 31st, I’m just chillin’ with my buddy at the bar. 2008 is also there. He’s a little drunk, and after ordering another drink, he bumps into me, spilling some G&T on my new Men’s Wearhouse shirt. It’s a $50 shirt! (Well, original price before the coupon I used…)
So I say, “yo, dude, careful there with your drink. You just spilled some on my shirt.” And what does 2008 say?
He says, “maybe you should shut your face.”
So I turn around, look at him, and say, “oh yeah? Well f*** you!” Then I grab his right shoulder with my left hand and land a hammer punch right in his face with my right hand. 2008 falls to the floor. As I pull out my knife, my buddy Kyle holds me back and says, “yo man, chill.”
As Kyle’s holding me back, 2008 gets up and sucker punches me in the stomach. Kyle then goes nuts and punches him in the face. 2008 blacks out, and Kyle and I pull a little “Operation GTFO” before the cops come.
And that was the end of 2008.